"The Last Night You Went Outside" by Wendy BooydeGraaff

You’ve always been a sleepwalker. I’d wake nights, the moon shining on our bed, on the rumpled indent where you were when I closed my eyes and leaned my head on your shoulder. At first, I’d get up, find you brushing your teeth in the kitchen, or packing a plastic bag in the living room: books, candles, playing card packets breaking through the thin grocery store logo. I’d discovered if I said anything, you’d grow agitated, you’d shake and become stiff in your refusal. Once, you hit me across the forehead when your arms swung wildly to grab back the wastebasket you were drinking from. The purple-yellow bruise from the watch you wore lasted days. I bought that cakey makeup to cover it up, though the social worker still came to our place, asked me uncomfortable questions. Why hasn’t he come back now, when I need him?

I began to ignore your nighttime travels. I’d lock my desk and hide the key. Everything else you’d put back in place when you awoke at noon. There’d be a few hours of normalcy in the evening and then we’d accidentally fall asleep. I’d stay in bed, sleep through whatever it was you did—you’d never remember, you were asleep. The rift between us grew. You were always leaving. You didn’t mean to, you said. How could I blame you, you said. How could I not? I said. You left. You kept leaving. Subconscious leaving is worse than physical. You didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand you.

The full moon came again, woke me up. How had I not heard the dead bolt unlock, the creak the door makes after the suction sound upon opening. I stood in the shadowed doorway, you stood in the beam on the sidewalk, looking down, fiddling. Then you lifted your arms straight up. I didn’t see how or where you went. You were gone. The beam was gone. I walked to the spot I had last seen you, crunched something under my feet. Your watch, the face splintered with embedded sidewalk grit. I carried it to our room, put it on the nightstand where it had never been because it was always on your arm. I slept on my side of the bed, expecting you back by morning, but the watch stayed there in its new place, as did you.

Wendy BooydeGraaff's short fiction, poems, and essays have been included in Stanchion, Slag Glass City, CutLeaf, Ninth Letter online, and elsewhere. Born and raised in Ontario, Canada, she now lives in Michigan, United States.

"Wink" by Charlotte Maya

Content warning: sexual assault

To the gentleman who winked at me as he was walking down the aisle of a Boeing 737 looking for his seat:

I was 14 the first time I thought I understood – and then actually understood – a guy’s wink. A freshman in high school, I initially felt flattered that a senior had asked me out. After dinner, I thought our date was over. I expected him to drop me off. He had other plans; he turned down my street but continued driving past my house without slowing even slightly. Then Brent winked at me. Your wink floats me into that same nauseating vertigo I felt as I saw the safety of home retreating behind me with the seatbelt holding me firmly in the passenger seat of his old VW van, and later as I stood over the bathroom sink, desperately trying to brush the taste of him off my tongue. Your wink presses against my thigh like the fingerprint bruises left by a college boyfriend. Your wink clicks like the office door Dr. Jones locked behind me when I had brought him the edited version of the cardiology research he would submit to the Journal of the American Medical Association for publication. Your wink squeezes my ass like the wandering hand of the professional who had represented my husband and me in a real estate transaction. Initially, I doubted myself. I thought, That did not just happen. He squeezed again. My husband was standing just a few feet away.

Think about this: if this plane – center aisle with three seats on each side – were full entirely of women, everyone you see gazing out from a window seat has been sexually assaulted. No, wait. Imagine instead that the women in every aisle seat are the sexual assault survivors. They stare at you, not smiling, as you make your way to the back of the plane. Their eyes are wide open. Don’t you dare blink or look down at your shoes or above their heads to find a seat number or an empty overhead bin. Look into their eyes of every shape and color and imagine what they’ve gone through to get here.

I recently met a woman, a sexual assault survivor herself, whose mother had been raped and then murdered. She told me she decided never to have children, because she knows that she could never protect a daughter from rape. This seems to me to be a completely rational decision in a world of men who wink.

Charlotte Maya is the author of Sushi Tuesdays: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Family Resilience (Post Hill Press, 2023). She has published essays on grief, loss, suicide, and hope in the New York Times (Modern Love and Tiny Love Stories), Hippocampus Magazine, Brevity Blog, and Writers' Digest. Charlotte earned a B.A. in English literature from Rice University and a J.D. from UCLA. She lives in Southern California with her husband and enjoys hiking in the local foothills and downward-dogging with her so-called hunting dog.

"Casio 1301 MTA-4000" by Agniv Sarkar

Last night I was locked in my father’s watch,
hidden away in a dark drawer,
counting blind.
The timer started to roll over as soon as
its hands began to approach the hour.

I woke up from the dream,
sickly sweat under the watch.
It was scared of its half-truths,
from analog to digital,
from form to function.

Once, time slipped from my grasp,
but still it clung to me.
The watch was old and it kept
the old time, so it felt heavy on the hand.
Without it, the lightness felt dizzying,
the time lost.

As soon as I could, I reclaimed the time
I aimed to make it mine.
And those who saw it paused.
Gave it more than a seconds thought (the watch knew),
and it had moved on from being my father’s.

Agniv Sarkar is a student of mathematics and philosophy, leaving high school early to further these pursuits. He found poetry through philosophy and found the intersection of the two able to create the most beautiful artwork.

"Sunset Feathers" by Katie McHugh

The setting sun, iridescent gold, flaunts its tail like a peacock, and we, like peahens, bow our heads in praise. Choose me, we plead with wide eyes and pale feathers. Come back tomorrow.

But the sky grows darker still, and soon, the day is an echo of birdsong on the horizon, lost in the spinning of the world.

Katie McHugh is a writer from Long Island, NY. She is the recipient of Boston University's Florence Engel Randall Award.